I vowed never to be that mum!

I vowed I’d never be that mum! And it seems, since loosing my marbles because of one thing or another recently, I slowly found myself turning into the mum I vowed I’d never be!

The week started off swimmingly, River took in an epic model of Pudding Lane for his ‘Great fire of London’ project. Normally, being queen of crafts, I’d sign my name all over that shiz. But sadly I had to hand my overly competitive crown over to my mum. But to be fair she made a grand job!

(All materials brought from Hobbycraft)

As half term was looming, I had planned that Friday was my only complete full free day, so I had all my jobs crammed into it, so I was ready and raring to go when Monday hit!

On Wednesday my little Casanova, wooed his girlfriend at school by demanding a rose, some chocolate and a card for her. Andre brought me 30 beautiful red roses and River did try to smuggle those out the door for her. He is a sweet little soul and one day I know will make the best husband to someone!

(School coat Ralph Lauren & school shoes Dr Martens)

Fast forward to Thursday’s school pick up! Forrest had started the day looking clean and collected, but now resembled a homeless child. No matter what I do, that child always ends up looking like a rogue rat. River was never that child, he always looked immaculate! Forrest is a different bread. Feral. Today I had to carry said rouge child into school, as putting the Bugaboo Chameleon together would have made me late. So off I trot with a 15 stone toddler in my arms. I hate being late for the school pick up so always arrive early. The school have also now cotton on to the fact River is so slow he’s almost going backwards. So they let him out first, majority of the time (which means he will be out last by the time he’s Fannied around). However, today was different. Today he was first out. Why? Because his TA had given him bloody pudding lane to take home. F*** my life. What I failed to mention earlier in this post, was that pudding lane was glued onto a thick wooden board and weighed a bloody tonne. Anyway, pudding lane caused a stir in the playground and lots of “oooohhhhs and ahhhhhhhs” were heard amongst the mums. I felt slightly smug, even though I had no input, they didn’t know that. I defo lapped up all that. I kindly asked the TA, “could we possibly pick this up on tomorrow’s school run and i’ll bring the pushchair so I can carry it?”. All eyes were on me as all the mums were eyeballing pudding lane, so you could hear a pin drop as the TA bellowed, “Tomorrow? Tomorrow? It’s an inset day tomorrow love. Did you not know? Oohhh that could have been embarrassing if you had turned up tomorrow love. Know one is here tomorrow.” The silence in the playground then erupted into giggles. I was now in the category of ‘that Mum’. The Mum I vowed never to be. The Mum who clearly didn’t purchase the school diary with sketches of all the kids in it. Mainly because it didn’t match m kitchen decor. Shame on me. So off I toddled, with the toddler the size of a man in one arm, bloody pudding lane attached to a whole tree on the other, a school bag, a PE bag, my car keys. All whilst being smacked in the face by the feral child and virtually rolling my snail paced 6-year-old down the path whilst he munched on soggy cucumber sticks left over from his snack. Nice.

As I got into my car, red-faced. I laughed. I laughed so hard. I’m such a twat. But if I didn’t laugh I’d cry. I sat there for a second, mainly to catch my breath as I was panting like a poodle and to try to regain some normal colour into my cheeks.

Looks like those jobs are on hold for a week. Anyway, half term, I’m ready for you! I’m currently sat today planning our week of fun!! One thing is for sure. I actually bloody love half term! I’m defo not one of those mums who shoves their kids back through the school gates. I wish my little Roo boy could stay at home with me every day!

Just so you all don’t go into panic mode……I have made a pact with myself that I’ll check the diary every day! I won’t ever be ‘that mum’ ever again. I swear by almighty god.

“At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict, or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, a parent.” – Barbara Bush

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