Well. Where to start! For those people that personally know me might say I’m a slight Drama Queen. Ok, scrap that! I’m a complete bloody nightmare who holds the Crown of all Drama Queens. So when i found out i was pregnant with River, my now 5 year old, i know everyone was having a secret giggle at the poor buggers i chose or more like, demanded were with me when giving birth. I knew in my head i was going to give the best Oscar winning performance ever and chose who i aired my grand premier with wisely. I chose Andre (of course) and my mum Fiona. Obviously i wanted Andre there, seeing as he was the dad and all. I thought it was only fair he witnessed the whole event and be put through the torture of watching. I chose my mum because she isn’t no billy bullshitter. If i’m being a totally bitch, she would tell me. If i was being overly dramatic, she would tell me. And if i was dying, she would tell me. So i knew then, if and when i went into total melt down mode, she will put me right again.
In our family we have a whole long hereditary line of complications through pregnancy and our whole family is every Midwife and Consultants worst nightmare. I kind of went through pregnancy with a breeze. Really lapped up the whole, rest, eat and shop thing. I carried on teaching dance till i was 36 weeks pregnant. The fact i was still jumping around, kicking my leg round my ear and trying my very best to dance. In my head i was elegant and agile like a slightly over weight glowing Darcey Bussell. In reality, i was far from that. I looked more like a drowning elephant (with my big nose). The consultant decided to induce me at 36 weeks due to very low amniotic fluid and itchy hands and feet (obstetric cholestasis).
I found preparing for a baby the best. I love shopping and was totally in my element. The ‘preparing’ of myself however, wasn’t as easy. I remember the night before standing in the shower with my Husband Andre standing in the bath room incase i slipped. Trying to ‘prepare’ my lady regions was a real pointer on my to do list. Andre watching with a pained look on his face. I think he half expected me to cut my bloody leg off with the Gillet razor i was holding. I mean i couldn’t even nearly see down there so it was a possibility i could be legless by the end of it. Being so caring, he kindly produced his beard trimmer. He held it up and looked at me and said ‘i don’t mind you know!” Next thing i know he’s turned into my personal beautician, joking he might carve me a “Nike” tick. I did giggle, but part of me wanted to hold onto my dignity until we got the hospital at least. God love the boy. If he ever leaves me, this memory will scar me forever. I suppose i had the last laugh though a when a few days later he was happily whipping it around his face pruning his stubble!
Anyway, Monday morning of the 22nd August 2011 arrived. We packed the car with my huge suitcase and the large bag of food and drink i had prepared to entertain us all and made the trip to the QMC in Nottingham. Once we arrived on the maternity ward we were seated in a room where a random lady was in full blown labour, bouncing on a ball and screaming like someone was pulling her liver out her mouth. Obviously, me and Andre found this quite hilarious and once she was rolled out we erupted in hysterics. The induction process then started. Little did i know then when the nurse inserted the pessary she actually broke my waters, i was too embarrassed to say though as i thought i’d wet myself!! The next 2 and half days were long and a blur. I wan’t able to eat due to be induced so watching my mum and andre munch away on the amazing picnic i had rustled up was horrific. Being in labour turned me even more doo-lally than i already am. Through every contraction i sang a musical theatre song at the top of my lungs whilst clapping above my head, which provided much entertained to Andre, My Mum and the midwives. “I JUST BLEW IN FROM THE WINDY CITY, THE WINDY CITY IS MIGHTY PRETTY!” was a favourite. Although i don’t know who i was kidding, the size i was, i was blowing anywhere!! Anyway, after night one, the midwives gave me a shot of Pethidine to make me sleep. It did the trick! And onto day 2 i went!! By this point i was dying of hunger, and was like some kind of boxer in the ring with Andre shooting a gulp of Lucozade in my mouth when know one was looking. Time went quick for me, and Andre who had a snooze in the hospital bed whilst i did the splits on the floor to pass time. The next hours all seem a blur, i was so tired and so hungry i think i was drifting in and out of it. Although i wasn’t the raging nightmare everyone thought i was going to be, i was actually quite the trooper, no tears, no meltdowns. I kind of feel like i let the team down.
The Midwives were all cooing over a Newly Qualified doctor, who apparently was super hot and a master of baking. That day he had baked a cherry bakewell. One of my favourites!! Anyway just before i went into full blown labour and was ready to push they asked if said doctor could help. I screamed “IF HE GIVES ME SOME CHERRY BAKEWELL HE CAN DELIVER HIM!!!”……..So there we have it, 45 minutes, a little bit of drama about his heart beat dropping and a near snip (thankfully not) later i was happy as a fat kid in a sweet shop with a beautiful little boy weighing 6lb10oz and the biggest slice of Cherry bakewell ever. Bonus!! I then sat snuggling this little thing i had produced whilst watching Andre engrossed and helping the Consultant play around with the Placenta!!!
Although there were many complications, i actually didn’t think the whole experience was that bad. I mean, i am queen of drama queens and i do feel i let my crown slip. I think Andre and my Mum were more stunned than me!! The most surreal moment of it all was when all 12 nurses and doctors left the room (it did get a bit traumatic apparently but i was too off my head on hunger problems to even know) and i was left with a naked baby. I remember turning to my Mum and saying, “well what do i do now?!” My Mum laughed and said, “Erm……dressing him would be a good start!” I demanded she dressed him as i was scared i was going to pull his leg off or something. I suppose then my maternal instincts kicked in and i just kind of knew how to be a mum!!
The most traumatic part for me was showering. I had a mini break down in the shower and felt the need to show my viewing partners what had happened down below thinking something was wrong. Andre gagged. My mum agreed that, nope, it looks like you’ve just had a baby. So there we have it. My 1st birthing story.
My Mum and Andre were amazing through the whole thing and i couldn’t of done it without them both. They made light of the whole situation. As i thought, my mum told me when things were serious and Andre held my hand and sneaked me sugary drinks. I think he even let me lick a Harbo Tangfastic. The 2 people i love most in the whole wide world got to meet our little world for the first time and spend his first few hours with him. So super special!! And i could never thank them enough!
Our Little River Paul Mahjouri was born at 10.49pm on 24th August 2011 weighing in at 6lb10oz!! He is the most lovable, witty, gorgeous, caring, kind little boy with the worlds best imagination and most loving nature ever. I am majorly proud of him and he has a twinkle in his little blue eyes that lights up everyones life around him!
You will be pleased to know that as we toddled out of the hospital with our little bundle of Joy, I picked my dignity up on the way out!!